I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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