Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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