and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
