i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
