capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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