**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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