when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
