I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
