Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
