I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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