Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
