There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
