We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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