We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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