Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
