Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
