She went from zero to smokin in five shots
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
