a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
