R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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