omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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