He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize