So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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