The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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