She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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