She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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