Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
