If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
