I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
