My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize