I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
