Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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