so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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