Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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