remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
