Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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