How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
