It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
