its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
