Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
