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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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