I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
