I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
pop tarts are not kleenex
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
