my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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