And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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