I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
