I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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