i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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