Me too!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize