will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
