i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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