Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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