For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you had me at cake vodka
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
