Im at strip club and am horny
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
