Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
