addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
