Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
