I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
