every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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