my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
