I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
