just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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