i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
