so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
