you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
