chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
