Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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