Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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