I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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