my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm both gender and math confused
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
