Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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