Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I want to fling myself into the sun
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
