Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
